Valentine's Day As An Excuse For Sex
by PrincessDesire
Summary: Just a quickie that I thought up a few years ago for V-day and then lost. Here it is now though.


Valentine's Day As An Excuse For Sex

By

Princess Desire

www.fanfiction.net – PrincessDesire

Everyone wants to get some nookie on Valentine's day.

It was very nearly time for the Valentine's banquet. One more day to go and Irvine would finally implement Plan Get-Selphie-In-Bed. Rinoa and Squall were going as Romeo and Juliet (Gee that was original!). Zell was going with the library chick as Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. And Irvine, though he resembled Fabio in no way shape or form, was going as a romance novel style Pirate. Selphie would be the seafaring wench. It was perfect.

Irvine happily winked at himself in the mirror, he was going to woo her before the punch even got spiked.

Speaking of spikes…

The cactuar had just unleashed it's most painful attack and Selphie received the blunt force of it. Selphie's dexterity usually rivaled monsters, but cactuars are notoriously fast. This one was quicker than most. Zell took it out shortly after that, but damned if it didn't bring her to her knees first.

"Zell! Do you have some Curaga on you? I'm pretty messed up."

Zell hovered over her and made a disgusted face. "Eeew, you are going to be pulling those out for a while."

"Zell! Goddammit!"

He grinned before casting a luscious healing spell on her. The pain lessened. Now her body was numb, but prickly like she had been turned into a cactuar. "Don't worry Sephy, I'll take care of you."

It wasn't very reassuring. Zell still wasn't that much help when Dr. Kadowaki stood over her and declared her unfit for the Valentine's banquet.

"That's it! I give up! I'm just never going to get laid!"

Squall was rolling his eyes as Irvine leaned back dramatically on the wall. "Why do you always think with your…libido?"

Irvine let his hand come away from his eyes for a moment. "How come you can't? You have Rinoa and no one even sees you holding hands."

The moody Squall looked moodier. He didn't say anything. This was not a discussion of HIS relationship and he refused to let himself be dragged into revealing more about himself than was necessary. "Get a prostitute then, Selphie has better things to do than give you her body."

"Fuck Squall! You need to just have your period and get it over with."

Squall frowned again.

Zell held Selphie's hand as the doctor bandaged the worst of the red holes. He smiled at her tenderly. It was disturbing.

"Zell, why are you looking at me like that? This hurts!"

"I just like being there for you," he said staring all googly at her.

"Dammit Zell, get out of the infirmary!"

"I'm never gonna get laid", was heard twice in garden that day by two sexually frustrated men. Well, three, but the third one wasn't in the game and is therefore irrelevant.

Zell was being thrown out of his library chick's dorm room. So were his pants. With as much dignity as he could muster, he dressed in the hallway.

Quistis chuckled. "What an idiot!"

"You understand! Why can't he understand? I mean, I was getting fucking needles pulled out of my ass and he was getting romantic!" Selphie slammed her hand down onto the couch, causing thousands of pains all the way up to her shoulder. "Ow."

"Men just don't understand."

Selphie smiled at Quistis. She had been relieved when Irvine had left, he had actually had the nerve to be angry that she was laid up and couldn't go to the party. Now she was speaking to her best friend Quistis, who she trusted. It was nice to talk to somebody that wasn't trying to get up her skirt.

Seifer grinned an evil grin. Tomorrow night he would have his revenge finally. His fingers twitched around his gunblade.

The sun rose. Balamb Garden stayed in bed. With the party starting so late, there was no reason to get up. Less reasons for Selphie who was stuck in bed due to her injuries. Less reasons for Quistis who was happily in bed with the bedridden Selphie. Women really do understand some things men can't. Quistis grinned. With women you just have to pretend you care what they are talking about. Worked everytime.

Romeo and Juliet entered. They weren't holding hands, but Juliet was leaning so drastically, it looked as though she might fall over. Squall looked bemused.

When Zell came in, he did so alone. Damn librarians. What did he need with a woman who had the sexual drives of a very prudish large rock? He was dressed like a dancer and he intended to dance, alone or not.

Irvine was dashing. The problem was that everyone was so absorbed in their own melodrama, no one noticed his entrance. He had the poet shirt, the breeches, the patch over his eye. No one fucking noticed. He wandered over to Squall and Rinoa. "You should dance Squall."

"YEAH! Squall! Dance with me!" shouted Rinoa as if she hadn't noticed they were at a social function until Irvine brought it up.

"Shutup bitch!" Surprisingly, that didn't come from Squall. It came from a tall figure in the doorway.

Seifer slid with lethal speed across the floor and brought his gunblade upon her head. Her body split into two and fell with a gross _shlickt_ sound.

Everyone gaped. Squall looked Seifer straight in the eyes and said, "Dammit Seifer! Cid just had the floor waxed." That released the tension in the crowd. No one really liked her anyway. So, they laughed it up, glad they wouldn't have to clean up the mess.

The two rivals went out on to the balcony to discuss their new camaraderie brought on by Rinoa's slaying.

As for Irvine and Zell… Well, someone finally noticed that Irvine looked damn good as a pirate. They worked on a way to relieve that sexual tension. Three times that night as a matter of fact.

They all lived happily ever after.

That was kind of a sick, fun little story. Did you guys like? I appreciate feedback.


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